Ahhh, Valentine’s Day. The day when men all around the world panic, at the last minute, to find the perfect gift for the woman in their life. I don’t want to panic you more than you already are, seeing as it’s already the last minute and you have yet to find the perfect gift for the love of your life. I’m going to do us all a favor and tell you what most women want for Valentine’s Day. Here’s a hint; most women don’t want the cutesy trinkets, stuffed animals or the guessing game chocolates.

Guys, love is a verb, she wants you to show her you love her by your actions. Figure out what her love langue is: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service or Physical Touch. If you don’t know the answer to this, you can take the test here. There are so many ways for you to show your love for her; telling her how you feel, take her on a date, buy her a present, do something nice for her or just hold her hand. Here’s my quick and easy list of things most women want for Valentine’s Day.

• Alone Time – Take the kids to do something and let her do something she wants by herself or with her friends.
• A Massage – By a professional. Ask her schedule, to figure out when a good time for her would be to devote an hour to heavenly hands massaging her sore body, and schedule that puppy for her. Better yet buy her a gift certificate!
• All Arrangements Made Date – Make reservations. Arrange a sitter. Lay out a dress, shoes and jewelry or buy something you’d like to see her wear and for heaven’s sake check the sizes on her clothes in the closet that she actually wears (if you don’t this could lead to an unintended consequence-just take my word for it).
• Breakfast in Bed – Full breakfast; eggs, bacon/sausage, toast, fruit, and coffee/orange juice. If you can’t cook it, order it and serve it to your Valentine.
• Do Her Chores – Cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping, errands. She likely takes care of these most of the time. Give the woman a break!
• Make her dinner/lunch/picnic – Cook it and clean up after yourself in the kitchen. If you aren’t a chef, order food to-go and serve it to her in a setting that sets a romantic mood; candle light, soft romantic music, picnic (somewhere with a nice view or somewhere in the house). The point is out of your ordinary setting (ie. don’t plan to sit on the couch and eat pizza-unless in the unlikely chance that’s what she’d consider romantic).
• Do that thing she’s been asking you about for months – Whatever it is. Honey-do’s, take her dancing or to an art class. Take the initiative and do it.
• Ask – If you don’t like any of the options above and still have no idea what to get, ask her, her best friend or check her dang Pinterest account! This is often an untapped resource of great potential gifts for her that she has picked out herself! Use it! Pah-lease!

Ladies, for heaven’s sake, if the man in your life does any or all of the above, or if he thinks to do anything at all for you on Valentine’s Day – Be Appreciative! After all, love is a verb and if he does anything for you, he’s trying to show you that he loves you. Let him. Soak it up buttercup. Cut the guy a little slack. Scientifically, men’s brains are different from women’s. I know, I know, you’d think he’d remember your favorite color/food/scent or that you mentioned something you’d like a million times, but let’s face it, no sometimes they really don’t.

I’m no expert here, but I’ve learned to not expect him to remember too much or pick up on the hints you’d think if they were any more obvious he’d trip over them. Here’s what I do that does us both a favor – Give him a list of things I’d like. My expectation isn’t that he does or gets all the things, but at least I know he’ll have an idea of what I do want. A word of caution, you need to be specific and words matter. For example, if you say, I want new lotion or a new shirt you could end up with KY and a Sponge Bob t-shirt or worse yet a shirt you do like but the wrong size. Now of course, he might improvise a little, but still effort is effort. All I’m saying is, if you’ve been disappointed in the past with his memory or lack of picking up on the hints you’ve dropped, make it easier for him while also ensuring a better outcome for youself, by giving him a list of what you like/want.

Do a reality check on your expectations. Are you expecting a Valentine’s Day that something similar to a cinematic scene from a romantic movie? If so, is that expectation realistic? Really? I would be insulted if my Valentine judged me based on how I weighed up against a his hall-pass actress. If you agree that it wouldn’t be okay for him to make this comparison about you, then it’s only fair to ask, why would it be alright for you to make a similar comparison of him? The key here is that you don’t want to be set-up to fail from the get-to and neither does he. Keep in mind that what he does or gets you for Valentine’s Day isn’t an indicator of how much he cares. He shows you how much he cares consistently on all the other days of the year.

Let Cupid’s arrows land where they might and “may the odds be ever in your favor”. Happy Valentine’s Day.